Navigating Your Legal Journey
Trauma isn't just what happens to us — it's what happens inside us.
Navigating Family Law While Healing
Navigating Family Law While Healing
Going through Family Law proceedings can be challenging for anyone. However, these challenges can be magnified for those who have experienced trauma, whether recent or past. This guide provides practical support and information to help you navigate this difficult time while caring for your well-being.
Understanding Trauma Responses in Legal Settings
Trauma can significantly impact how we function in stressful situations like legal proceedings. Understanding these responses can help you recognise them and develop strategies to cope.
Common Trauma Responses You May Experience:
Memory difficulties: Trauma can affect your ability to recall events chronologically or remember specific details.
Heightened emotional reactions: You might experience sudden anxiety, anger, numbness, or crying when discussing certain topics.
Difficulty concentrating: Following complex legal discussions or making decisions may feel overwhelming.
Physical responses: Headaches, nausea, racing heart, or feeling disconnected from your body during meetings or court appearances.
Avoidance: You might find yourself putting off legal appointments or paperwork.
How to Work With These Responses:
Share relevant information with your legal team: Let your solicitor know if you have experienced trauma and how it might affect you during the legal process.
Request breaks when needed: If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's perfectly acceptable to ask for a short break during meetings or proceedings.
Prepare notes in advance: Writing down key points before meetings can help when your memory or concentration is affected.
Bring a support person: Ask a divorce consultant, trusted friend or family member to attend meetings with you.
Self-Care During Legal Proceedings
Taking care of yourself is not a luxury—it's essential during challenging legal processes.
Practical Self-Care Strategies:
Create a daily routine: Maintaining structure can provide a sense of normalcy and control.
Set boundaries around legal work: Dedicate specific times to deal with legal matters, then put them aside.
Practice grounding techniques: Simple exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste) can help manage overwhelming moments.
Prioritise sleep: Good sleep hygiene can improve your resilience and decision-making abilities.
Move your body: Even gentle movements like walking or stretching can help release tension.
Connect with others: Isolation can worsen trauma symptoms—reach out to trusted friends or support groups.
Consider professional support: A counsellor or therapist experienced in trauma can provide valuable tools and perspectives.
Preparing for Court
Preparing for Court Appearances
Court appearances can be particularly challenging for trauma survivors.
Practical Preparation:
Visit the court beforehand: Familiarise yourself with the location, parking, and inside the building (although you’re unlikely to be able to go into a courtroom)
Practice deep breathing: Learn and practise calming breathing techniques to use during stressful moments.
Understand the process: Have witness preparation with a divorce consultant so you know exactly what will happen and how to prepare.
Prepare your appearance: Choose comfortable, appropriate clothing and consider practical needs like tissues, water, and mints.
Plan your journey: Allow extra time for travel and plan for traffic or public transport delays.
Arrange support: Organise someone to accompany you. Although they are unlikely to be allowed into the courtroom with you, there is often a lot of critical discussion and negotiation outside of the courtroom for which they can support you.
Emotional Preparation:
Visualisation: Imagine yourself moving calmly through the court experience.
Self-compassion: Acknowledge that this is difficult and be kind to yourself.
Grounding kit: Prepare small items to help you stay grounded (e.g., a smooth stone to hold, a scent that calms you).
Plan aftercare: Arrange something nurturing for yourself after court, whether it's meeting a friend, taking a walk, or simply resting.
Managing Communication
Trauma-Informed Communication
Effective communication with your legal team and others is essential for good outcomes.
Communication Strategies:
Prepare for meetings: Write down questions or concerns beforehand.
Request clear explanations: Ask for legal concepts to be explained in plain language.
Communicate your needs: Tell your solicitor what makes you feel comfortable (e.g. frequent breaks, written summaries).
Ask about communication options: Determine whether email, phone calls, or in-person meetings work best for different types of information. If there are times you would rather not receive communications, such as on Friday nights, make that clear.
Request advance notice: Ask for preparation time before discussing potentially triggering topics.
Bring a support person: Consider having someone attend meetings with you to take notes or provide support.
Review and summarise: At the end of meetings, summarise what was discussed and what actions are needed.
Navigating Family Law processes while healing from trauma is undoubtedly challenging, but with appropriate support and self-care strategies, you can move through this difficult time. Remember that healing isn't linear—there will be more challenging days and easier ones.
At Rosefield Divorce Consultancy and Burgess Mee, we are committed to providing trauma-informed legal support. Please don't hesitate to communicate your needs with us so we can best support you through this process.
Recognising Post-Separation Abuse
Recognising Signs of Post-Separation Abuse
Unfortunately, controlling or abusive behaviour can sometimes continue or intensify through legal processes.
Be Aware of These Warning Signs:
Using legal processes to maintain control: Repeatedly filing unnecessary motions or dragging out proceedings.
Financial abuse: Hiding assets, refusing to pay support, or creating unnecessary legal costs.
Using children as pawns: Interrogating children about the other parent or interfering with parenting time.
Stalking or monitoring: Using technology, mutual friends, or children to track your activities.
Intimidation during proceedings: Staring, positioning themselves to make you uncomfortable, or making subtle threats.
Smear campaigns: Attempting to damage your reputation with family, friends, or in your community.
If You Recognise These Signs:
Document all concerning behaviour with dates, times, and descriptions
Inform your legal representative immediately
Consider whether protection orders are appropriate
Prioritise safety planning
Seek support from domestic violence services if needed
Talking to Children
Talking to Children About Family Law Matters
Children need age-appropriate information and reassurance during family legal proceedings.
Guidance for Different Age Groups:
For Young Children (2-6 years):
Keep explanations simple and concrete
Reassure them that both parents still love them
Maintain routines where possible
Use simple books about family changes
For School-Age Children (7-12 years):
Provide more details about changes that will affect them
Listen to their concerns and validate their feelings
Avoid sharing adult details of the dispute
Reassure them that they are not responsible for adult problems
For Teenagers (13+ years):
Be honest while still protecting them from unnecessary details
Acknowledge their feelings without burdening them with adult concerns
Allow appropriate input on matters that affect them directly
Maintain appropriate parent-child boundaries
General Principles:
Never use children as messengers between parents or legal teams
Maintain consistent rules between households where possible
Shield children from conflict and legal discussions
Reassure children regularly that they are loved and the situation is not their fault
Watch for signs of distress such as behavioural changes, sleep problems, or declining school performance
Building Your Support Network
Building a Support Network
A strong support network is crucial during challenging legal processes and recovery from trauma.
Expanding Your Support System:
Identify existing supporters: Make a list of friends and family who can provide different types of support (emotional, practical, financial, etc.).
Reconnect with old friends: People you've lost touch with might be valuable additions to your support network.
Consider community resources: Local community centres, places of worship, or volunteer organisations can provide community connections.
Explore peer support groups: Groups specific to family law, domestic violence, or trauma recovery can provide understanding and practical advice.
Online communities: Reputable online forums can provide support, especially when in-person options are limited.
Professional support: Therapists, counsellors, and case workers can be crucial parts of your support network.
Friends and Family: Although well-intended, sometimes involving family or friends isn’t always helpful in the early stages of a crisis. Loved ones may unintentionally bring in their own emotions or pull you in different directions. We recommend reaching out to trained professionals first to ensure you receive clear, grounded support. When involving others, do so thoughtfully and gradually, always setting boundaries that are as clear as possible around the kind of support you need.
Healing Beyond the Legal Process
Healing Beyond the Legal Process
While navigating the family law system is undoubtedly challenging, it can also be an opportunity for growth and healing. Many clients find that with the right support, they emerge from legal proceedings with a deeper understanding of themselves and more effective tools for managing stress and relationships.
The Path Forward
Healing from trauma is not a linear process, and there's no "right timeline." It happens gradually through:
Increasing self-awareness and self-compassion
Building a toolkit of regulation strategies that work for you
Creating and maintaining supportive relationships
Honouring your experiences without being defined by them
Developing new narratives that incorporate but don't centre on trauma
Recognising your strength and resilience
At Rosefield Divorce Consultancy and Burgess Mee, we believe in supporting not just your legal needs, but your wellbeing throughout the process. Our trauma-informed approach means we're committed to helping you navigate this challenging time with dignity and care.
This content has been developed in collaboration with trauma specialist Lou Lebentz to provide support and information for our clients. While we hope you find it helpful, this information is not a substitute for professional therapeutic support. If you're struggling with trauma symptoms, we encourage you to reach out to a trauma-informed mental health professional.